1.I Just Had Sex
Lyricist：Jerrod Bettis, Tek Boner, Justin Franks, Andrew Samberg,
Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone
Sometimes somethin' beautiful happens
In this world
You don't know how to express yourself
So you just gotta sing
I just had sex and it felt so good
(Felt so good)
A woman let me put my penis inside of her
I just had sex and I'll never go back
(Never go back)
To the not-having-sex ways of the past
Have you ever had sex？ I have, it felt great
It felt so good when I did it with my penis
A girl let me do it, it literally just happened
Havin' sex can make a nice man out the meanest
Never guess where I just came from, I had sex
If I had to describe the feeling, it was the best
When I had the sex, man, my penis felt great
And I called my parents right after I was done
Oh, hey, didn't see you there, guess what I just did？
Had sex undressed, saw her boobies and the rest
Was sure nice of her to let you do that thing
Nice of any girl ever, now sing
I just had sex and it felt so good
(Felt so good)
A woman let me put my penis inside of her
I want to tell the world
To be honest, I'm surprised she even wanted me to do it
Doesn't even really make sense, but, man, screw it
I ain't one to argue with a good thing, she could be my wife
That good？ The best thirty seconds of my life
I'm so humbled by a girl's ability to let me do her
'Cause honestly, I'd have sex with a pile of manure
With that in mind, a soft, nice-smellin' girl's better
Plus, she let me wear my chain and my turtle-neck sweater
So this one's dedicated to them girls
That let us flop around on top of them
If you're near or far, whether short or tall
We want to thank you all for letting us fuck you
She kept lookin' at her watch
(Doesn't matter, had sex)
But I cried the whole time
(Doesn't matter, had sex)
I think she might've been a racist
(Doesn't matter, had sex)
She put a bag on my head
(Still counts)
I just had sex and my dreams came true
(Dreams came true)
So if you had sex in the last thirty minutes
Then you're qualified to sing with me
I just had sex
(Everybody sing)
And it felt so good
(We all had sex)
(Felt so good)
A woman let me put my penis inside of her
(I want to tell the world)
I just had sex and I'll never go back
(No, no, no)
To the not-having-sex ways of the past
2.We're Back!
Aye yo, new Lonely Island, 2011＊
Let's get 'em Kiv!
Aye yo my dick don't work, that shit is soft as a pillow
My girlie lookin' at me like You for real dude？
Aye yo, hold up, hold up, we gotta come harder than that! Yo
tell 'em Andy!
I think there might be something wrong with my dick
It's like a melted stick of butter so soft that it can't fill a
rubber.
Aye yo come on man, this is Lonely Island, people are countin'
on us, I gotta run all these motherfuckers myself! Whoo!
Aye yo I think I broke my dick in the sink
it's so small and ugly, all smashed and flat like it was playin'
rugby.
HOLD UP HOLD UP, this is serious, Kiv let 'em know!
Yo for real though, I suffer from stinky dick.
Every time I take a piss it smells just like shit.
HAHA yeah that's what I'm talkin' 'bout! Andy show 'em how it's
done!
My dick looks like the fat that you cut off a steak, smashed in
like my balls went and stepped on a rake.
LONELY ISLAND! GRAMMY NOMINATED, YEA! HIT 'EM AGAIN!
Yo straight out the box with my soggy little shrimp
I was a eight year old girl before the doctor found my dick.
We make too much money for this shit, murder music!
I shit the bed cause my dick played a prank on my butt
HIT EM! Straight crept when I slept and stuck a laxative up..
SUPPOSITORY MUSIC! WHATCHY'ALL KNOW ABOUT INCONTINENCE？!
I got hepatitis c from horse, but no confusion, JEAH!
It wasn't from the sex it was a blood transfusion!
WHAT？! MOTHERFUCKER GOT HORSE BLOOD! WHAT Y'ALL GOT？
I write freaky fan fiction where cartoons fuck
got CGI Garfield lickin' Marmaduke's nuts
WHOO! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT! THIS IS THAT GARFIELD SEX MUSIC!
NOW YA'LL JUST SHOWIN OFF! PREACH!
I got a friend named Reggie who lives down at the dump
every other week I swing by and bring him some lunch
OH!! NOW THAT JUST SOUNDS NICE!
IMA CALL IT RIGHT THERE, GAME OVER MOTHERFUCKERS!
LONELY ISLAND, WE STARTED THIS FAKE RAP SHIT! THE WORLD NEEDS
US!
3.Mama
This one goes out＊
From the bottom of our hearts
To the most important lady in our lives
It's time to pay some respect
I hope you proud of us
Cause we're proud of you
Mama!
You raised me right
Mama!
Showed me the light
Mama!
Through pain and strife
Mama!
You gave us life
When I fell down you were there to pick me up
When I felt bad you were there to build me up
Gave everything you had in the world to me
And you made me the man I'm supposed to be
Even though I don't say it often enough,
I appreciate everything you did for us.
Never take you for granted cause it ain't hard see,
The best parts of you are now a part of me.
Oh, Momma.
And when it was cold outside, you kept us warm and held us down.
Hi, boys. Who wants to...
Mom, get out. We're in the studio.
Just checking on my guys.
Get out of here. We're making a track, you idiot. Just leave.
Go.
Okey-doke.
You suck, Mom.
You're my one true love, my heart, my mom.
Show her respect in the form of this song
So when life gets hard and it makes you cry
I'll always be there to wipe a tear from your eye
My mom's my number one fan, my best friend
And I'll never disrespect...
Mom!
I know you said you weren't hungry, but I made ants on a log
Get the fuck out
Leave! Leave me! Go!
So how's your little club going？
It's not a club!
It's a rap group!
Well I'll leave these here and eat them if you...
Fine!
Go to hell, mom!
She's an angel on earth with invisible wings
I put no one above in summer, winter or spring, or fall...
Have you guys seen the remote？
Oh my god!
Leave us alone!
Fuck you mom!
Leave us alone!
Watch it
I hope you fucking die!
Jump in front of a bullet if it could save my mom
You got a bullet 'cause she will never see harm...
Nevermind, I found it
Laura, everything OK？
Shut the fuck up Dale!
Shut up!
Hey! Be nice to dale
Fuck Dale!
Fuck Dale!
I can't believe you have sex with that guy!
This goes out to all the mamas
Trying to protect their kids from drama
Love was her golden rule
No matter what they say, you're beautiful
So put them lighters in the sky
Wave 'em back from side to side
And if you feel lost and alone
Let our voices guide you home
Is something burning down there？
Get the fuck out now!
4.Jack Sparrow
watching the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon... have you seen
those things？
wrote you this big, sexy hook I think you're gonna really dig.
Uh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton (Yeah)
The night starts now
Together on the track, the boys are back
The night starts now
Night starts now, baby, roll with us
Chickens snapping at the neck when we rollin' up (Rollin' up!)
Blow through the doors, ain't no holdin' up
Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck (Come on!)
Ladies shifty eyed when we walk into the set
Fuck the fellas looking jealous
Play the back and get wet (Yeah yeah)
Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock,
You either get cut, get stuffed or get shot.
This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow
Pirate so brave on the seven seas (What？)
A mystical quest to the isle of Tortuga
Raven locks sway on the ocean's breeze
Yeah that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club
Buying up the bar so the groupies show us love (Keira
Knightley!)
Motherfucking ice-man, I'm the top gunner
Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner (Jack Sparrow!)
Watch it girl cause I ain't your 'Mr. Nice Guy',
More like the 'meet ya, take you home and fuck you twice guy'
(Yeah yeah!)
All dressed up with nowhere to run,
And now I make you feel crazy with the-
(Now back to the good part!)
From the day he was born
He yearned for adventure (No!)
Old Captain Jack (Yeah)
Giving them what for
He's the pauper of the surf
The jester of Tortuga (Oh God)
But is Davy Jones' locker
What lies in store？ (Yeah, we've seen the movie)
Throw your hands in the air
And say hell yeah
Captain Jack (What？)
Johnny Depp (No)
From the front to the back
Say we count stacks c'mon
Davy Jones (Nope)
Giant squid (Wrong)
Michael Bolton we're really gonna need you to focus up
Roger that let me try it with another film (Wait)
Life is a box of chocolates and my name is Forrest Gump (Not
better)
Though I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed
I give Jenny all my love (Come on)
Okay, then I'm a legal aid
Erin Brockovich is my name (Oh God)
Then you can call me Scarface
Snortin' mountains of cocaine (Close enough)
You cockroaches wanna play rough？
Okay, I'm reloaded! Ha ha!
This is the tale of Tony Montana
Cubano flame with the Miami nuts
(Take it home!)
Got a basehead wife
But her womb is polluted
This whole town's a pussy
Just waiting to get fucked
Just waiting to get fucked!
(Okay it turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile)
You complete me (Yeah, yeah okay)
5.Attracted To Us
White girls!＊
You are attracted to us!
Black girls!
You are attracted to us!
Asian girls!
You are attracted to us!
Latinas!
You are attracted to us!
Attracted to us!
But you're never gonna get it
Never never gonna get it
No you're never gonna get it
Because we're shy, we're shy, we're shy
We're all so shy
You're never gonna get it
We're so sweet and shy
All you pretty girls
We know you want our bodies
Yea yea yea yea
But you're never gonna get it
Never never gonna get it
No you're never gonna get it
Because we're shy, we're shy, we're shy
We're nice and shy
You're never gonna get it
We're polite and shy
Nerdy girls!
You are attracted to us!
Oh-My-God girls!
You are attracted to us!
You are attracted to us!
Cha-cha-cha girls!
You are attracted to us!
Space girls!
You are attracted to us!
You are attracted to us!
Cause we are shy
6.Rocky
Here's a little story that I think you'll like＊
It's not about Shaq or Iron Mike
So buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna get choppy
And listen to the tale of the time I fought Rocky
One day me and all my friends were hangin'
Talkin' 'bout which of the girls was most bangin'
Then one friend says, 'You know who's really tough？
'Rocky, ' (hit me home) 'the boxer.' Man,
I said, 'Yeah I know him. What about him？ ' He said,
'He's really tough.' 'No way, man. I'm calling your bluff
'I think that I can take him and, to prove my point,
'I'll challenge him in public.' (Yeah, that's the joint!)
So the very next day, stayed true to my word
And I snuck on T.V. so I could be heard
I said, 'Rocky, if you're out there, I think you're a nerd.
'And I'll lick you and bury you like a dog turd! '
I got kicked out, but the candle was lit
'Cause the people had to know if my claim was legit
It made the headlines and I got the call
It was Rocky ('Hey') and he wanted to brawl
We negotiated terms and set the date
Then I went into training to add some muscle weight
While I punched on meat in a rickety shack
He was sippin' on wine, having models rub his back
At the weigh-in, boy the tension was high
Me and Rock, toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye
I talked some trash, we got pulled apart
I shot him one last look to strike fear in his heart
Skip ahead, the big night was finally here
My body was ripped and my mind was clear
We entered the arena to the roar of the crowd
People chantin' my name - I never felt so proud
Faced off once more in the center of the ring
He hit me with a left and shattered my face
And a right sent my teeth all over the place
Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket
He broke my jaw and my trainer yelled, 'Stop it! '
But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs
Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids
They yelled out, 'More! ' and Rocky obliged
I had to think of some way to turn the tides
So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might
Took a swing, but he caught me with a sucker punch right
Then a sucker punch left and a sucker punch right
Then twenty-two consecutive sucker punch rights
He tore off my arms and beat me with 'em
Then threw acid in my face which obscured my vision
He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin
The bone splinters shot right out of my skin
People barfed in the crowd; they were going insane
And Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain
I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts
Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports)
The doctor came out and pronounced me dead
And that was the night I fought Rocky
7.My Mic - Interlude
Okay＊
My mic sounds nice check one
My mic sounds nice check two
My mic sounds nice check three
My mic sounds nice check four
My mic sounds nice check five
My mic sounds nice check six
Our mics sound nice check sevennnnnnn
8.Turtleneck ＆ Chain
My turtle neck phat and my chain so thin＊
And I'm sippin' light beer and my crew right here
Chain razor thin, light beer in my cup
And my sweater on turtle with the neck on puff
Huge turtle neck and my chain so skinny
Beer light all night stand up get dizzy
Light cup beer drink thin so chain neck turtle phat man I won't
say it again
Turtle neck and chain
Turtle neck and chain
Turtle neck and chain
Sippin' on a light beer
Turtle neck check with another on deck
'Case I spill something on it
Like some light beer？ Yes
We be bragging 'bout who's chain the thinnest
Turtle neck thicker than Delta Burke swimming in the guiness
Now bare with me
What they can't see my chain
Metal so thin it dissolve when it rain
Got more chain than the snow patrol
Every one razor thin like an insect's stripper pole
Turtle neck and chain
Turtle neck and chain
Turtle neck and chain
Sippin' on a light beer
Chain so light when the police roll by
Man it flow
Man it flow
And my beer so light you can see right through it like a ghost
And I also wear turtle necks
Sweaters while I wing my chain like it's stuck in the couch
Looking like cookie monster flossing his mouth
Find me cooling on the corner sippin' light beer foam
You can tell by my turtle neck and chain that I bone
Turtle neck light beer and a thin ass chain
And that's it
Turtle neck light beer and a thin ass chain
And that's it
The rabbit kick the bucket
Dogg said fuck it
Get my two step on with my turtle neck on
Thin ass chain light beer in my glass
Smacking that bitches, the ones with the ass
Girl you know it's true tell me what it do
Oh you like my style say you like my crew
Say you wanna be under my chest
This turtle neck is like one of my best
Say you wanna be under my chest
This turtle neck is like one of my best
So I guess yo dress no stress
Staying fresh is my vendetta
I'm a crook so my look
On my game go getta
The phatter, the puffier, the fluffier,
The bigger the turtle neck the more gangsta it is
Turtle neck and chain
Turtle neck and chain
Turtle neck and chain
Sippin' on a light beer
Turtle neck and chain
Turtle neck and chain
Turtle neck and chain
Sippin' on a light beer
9.Shy Ronnie 2： Ronnie ＆ Clyde
Yeah, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay＊
We at it again, everybody now
Hands in the air, it's a stick up, stick up
No funny business or you get lit up, lit up
You test I (I), you gon' die (die)
And at your funeral ya mama gon' cry
So customers kiss the floor, floor
And clerks open cash drawers slow, slow
If you don't wanna end up dead
You'll do everything Shy Ronnie says
Tell 'em, Ronnie!
No one in the bank can hear you
Shy Ronnie, use your outside voice
We don't have time for this
Let's go
So stay on the ground it's a stick up, stick up
Your wallets and jewels we'll pick up, pick up
Unload the cash (cash), move your ass (ass)
We getting' money, tell 'em Shy Ronnie
Please, please use your words
Just imagine that everyone's naked
Uh, oh!
Boner alert. He really pictured them naked.
Why did I think you could do this
He shot himself!
And why is your gun so small？
The police are on their way
(Come out with your hands up)
Good luck, Shy Ronnie
Bye, bye!
Haa!
Ronnie motherfucker and I'm back from the dead,
Brain bored with the murder, so I shot my own leg
Don't get the name twisted, cause I'm crazy as shit
I hung a giant ass noose off my giant ass dick
Aye! I forgot this money
And also this guy
Come on, we're gonna have sex
Too-da-loo!
And you can hang from it
Cause you don't wanna see my real gun
Shots to the sky but your face sound real fun!
Ronnie!
10.Trouble On Dookie Island
Yea let's do this＊
Take a good look at me, you need a bad guy like me
All I have in this world is my balls and my work, and I don't
break em for no one
Yo hopped out the whip, pop the heater out the clubby
Ski masked it up, bout to jack these fools, love me
Blasted through the door blazing hell with the shells flyin,
spiderwebbed the flat screen in one shot, babies crying
Got these bitches nose bloody, face down in the shag
This bitch is flippin-Shut the fuck up and fill the bag
All of a sudden- BOOM, shots from the back room
It was a set up, dude yellin get lit up
Yo we bust out the back, dookie flyin outta my pants
You got the keys, yea boy now make that engine dance
This shit is stallin, fuck man they strapped up
Let's make a brake for it to the crib or the backup
We hit the pavement, dookie bustin all out of my jeans
You hop the fence, so we can get away clean
We hit the dirt, this rottweiler snarlin and smilin
He ripped my pantleg off, a bunch of dookies went flyin
I had to blast, dog brains all in the grass
Mixed with the dookie, yeah man nighty night! Time to smash
Yo we cut through the park, dookies poppin outta my shirt
I handled the bullets from behind, like lead fireworks
Dookie fillin up my sneaks bought to bust, No doubt
Pulled off a icy toner？ glove, shook the dookies out
Yo it's a chase, they want us to be chased
Yo duck over here, I gotta ditch some dead dookie waste
Whipped off my stunning？ so I could dump the dookie
Cop blazin out the eucalyptus tryin to shoot me
I blew out his back, that's all she wrote man
Yeah, now his chest slapped too, dookies for the boatman？
They comin man, quick throw these dookies in the trash
Hold up more dookie, they comin out fast
Yo I can't move my leg, cause I'm stuck on dookie mountain
Fifty guns open fire, blood spray like a fountain
Now our bodies all shredded, shots blaze right through me
We're deader than dust, done in by the dookie
Trouble on Dookie Island
11.Falcor Vs. Atreyu - Classy Skit #1
12.Motherlover
disappointed.
What the hell are we gonna do？
left.
to the test.
and gray.
since he passed away.
I say we break em off
Show em how much they really mean
Cause...
I'm a Mother Lover
You're a Mother Lover
We should fuck each others mothers
Pushin' that place that you came out as a baby
Ain't no doubt that shit is crazy
Cause every Mothers Day needs a Mothers Night
If doing it is wrong, I don't wanna be right
I'm callin on you cause I can't do it myself
To me you're like a brother, so be my mother lover
clutchin' on this lube and roses
momma do a million poses
doggystyle
Cause I'm a Mother Lover
You're a Mother Lover
We should fuck each others mothers
Justin Timbrlake： Fuck each others moms
I'm pushin that lady
Where you came out as a baby
Ain't no doubt that shit is crazy
Justin Timbrlake： Fuckin' each others moms
step-father
And I'm in your mother I'll never use a rubber
Cause every Mothers Day needs a Mothers Night
If doing it is wrong, I don't wanna be right
I'm callin on you cause I can't do it myself
To me you're like a brother, so be my mother lover
They blessed us both with the gift of life
She brought you in this world so I'm a sex her right
This is the second best idea that we've ever had
The choice can be no other
Be my mother lover
13.The Creep
Hi, I'm John Waters, and this is...＊
The Creep.
When you're out in the club and you see a fly girl
Do the Creep (hah)
Do the Creep (hah)
And if you wanna make friends at the ATM
Do the Creep (hoo)
Do the Creep (hah)
Well, we got a new dance so get up on your feet
It's real easy to do, and it's called 'The Creep'
Let your hands flap around like a Marionette
Pop your knees up and down, sh-sh-shaking your neck
Now pull your waistband up like you expectin' a flood
And slick your hair down flat like it was covered in mud
Trim up your pencil mustache and pop them peepers
Put this in your speakers; you a certified creeper.
When you see a country peach, laying out at the beach
Do the Creep (hah)
Do the Creep (hah)
And when a fine PYT walks in front of your tree
Do the Creep (hoo)
Do the Creep (hah)
I was six years old when I started creepin'
My parents took it to their room and I started peepin'
You can't imagine their surprise when they lifted their heads
And saw my little ass creepin' at the foot of the bed
Yeah they knew I was a creep, since the day I was born
Poppin' out my momma like some kettle corn
Yeah the doctor caught my head and he started freakin'
'Cause I came out clean - and I came out creepin'!
Nicki,
Nicki,
Nicki, Nicki, Nicki
Nicki!
When I was a girl, I creeped in the boys' locker room
Hide deep inside - it was my little creep stalker room
As they disrobed, I was oogling and oggling
Little did they know, that for me, they were modeling
And I would laugh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha.
And they would dance, la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la.
So pop-pop-pop your peepers,
and tweak out your sneakers
Don't sleep, come on get your Creep on with me!
Go on, get to sweatin' off a bride at her wedding
Do the Creep (hah)
And do the Creep (hah)
And when you sneak into a wake, and you see a beefcake
Do the Creep (hoo)
And do the Creep (hah)
And when the judge is a hottie and you can't control your body
Do the Creep (hah)
Do the Creep (hah)
So, get your knees flexin', and your arms T-rexin',
And Creep (hoo)
Do the Creep! (hah)
And don't forget to smile!
14.Watch Me Do Me - Classy Skit #2
Lonely Island.
We taking over.
Yeah... yeah.
Watch me do me. Watch me do me. Watch me do me. Watch me do me.
Watch me do me. Don't look away. Watch me do me. OK. OK watch me
do me.
Ok I'm almost finished. Keep watching. I'm finished doing me.
15.Threw It On The Ground
I was walkin' through the city streets＊
And a man walks up to me and hands me the latest energy drink
Run faster. Jump higher.
Man, I'm not gonna let you poison me.
I threw it on the ground!
You must think I'm a joke!
I ain't gonna be part of your system!
Man, pump that garbage in another man's veins!
I go to my favorite hotdog stand and the dude says,
'You come here all the time! Here's one for free.'
I said, 'Man, what I look like, a charity case？ '
I took it, and threw it on the ground!
I don't need your handouts!
I'm an adult!
Please, you can't buy me hotdog man!
At the farmer's market with my so-called 'girlfriend'
She hands me her cellphone, says it's my dad.
Man, this ain't my dad. This is a cellphone!
I threw it on the ground!
What you think I'm stupid？
I'm not a part of your system!
My dad's not a phone! Duh!
Some poser hands me a cake at a birthday party.
What you want me to do with this, eat it？
Happy birthday to the ground!
I threw the rest of the cake too!
Welcome to the real world, jackass!
So many things to throw on the ground.
Like this, and this, and that. And even this.
I'm an adult!
Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph.
Ground!
Nobody wants your autograph! Phonies!
Then the two phonies got up.
Turned out they had a taser.
And they tased me in the butt-hole.
I fell to the ground. The phonies didn't let up.
Tasing on my butt-hole, over and over.
I was screaming and squirming, my butt-hole was on fire.
The moral of this story is： you can't trust the system!
Man!
16.Japan
Whoa!＊
I can't believe we're in Japan!
Look at all the lights!
The food!
The people!
Wow!
We're three cool white friends in Japan (Japan!)
We've never been to Japan
So we wrote a song about the three of us in Japan
And our label has to pay for it
Here we are at our five star hotel
The one from Lost In Translation (In Japan!)
The views are amazing
And their champagne waiting
Because that's how we wrote it (Yummy!)
And now the label has to pay for the video (Yay!)
And pay for everything that we say (No matter what!)
For example I'll be getting a massage right now
And I'll be drinking some sake (So expensive!) (Who cares？)
Here we are at the most expensive sushi restaurant in Japan
(mmm!)
And now we're at Tokyo Disneyland
And now we're in Hawaii for one random shot that our label has
to pay for!
Cause we're three cool white friends in Japan (In Asia!)
The fact that we're white isn't why we're friends
But we are white, and we're friends (In Japan)
At this point in the video we'll be super drunk (Weee!)
Standing near some kind of dragon
And then we'll buy some stinky used girls panties
Out of one of those pervert vending machines
Now we've seen sumo wrestling live
Unless we get dropped by our label
Cause we're three white douche-bags in Japan (That's us!)
It's all part of our master plan
To get some much needed R＆R
At the expense of Universal Records
Wow look at all this Japanese money
It's called Yen
I heard it's worth more than American money
Let's dump it in the river!
Moshi Moshi
Guys it's the label
This video's really expensive and-
Bye!
Pokemon!
Dump it in the river!
Our rental car!
Dump it in the river!
This old guy!
Dump him in the river!
And now we're flying home first class!
17.After Party
After the club is the after party＊
After the party is the hotel lobby
After that, you know it's diamond Cris
And after that, I say, 'Excuse me, miss'
And after that, we goin' back to the room
And after that, she's gonna leave real soon
And after that, I crack one more beer
And after that, I just stare in the mirror
And after that, I start freakin' out
What the hell am I doing with my life？
Call up my mom and get my cry on
I order room service, get my apple pie on
And after that, I just walk the streets
A homeless dude throws up on my feet
And I see just how pointless life is
Full on existential crisis
Tear off my clothes and scream at the sky
Fall to my knees and ask God, 'Why？ '
This nightlife is killing me
I think I'm losing my mind
I yearn to fly, yet I sink
Stalling tears is my dream
After that, I drive into the hills
And trade my car for a bottle of pills
And after that, I'm on a vision quest
Put my mind, body, and spirit to the test
And after that, I meet my totem spirit
It's a rattlesnake, so I have to kill it
Then I drink all his blood and steal his powers
And slither around in the dirt for hours
And after that I start jerking off
Up on a mountain, jerking off
Down by the river, jerking off
And that's when I have my epiphany
You can't spend your whole life jerking off
And after that, I'm going back to the city
This nightlife is killing me
No more jerking off
Fate only knows what's in store
Stalling tears for me, no more
And after that, I clean up my life
Join AA to make it right
And after that, I get my thirty day chip
And after that, I go sell a bit
And after that, I'm a whole new man
Brew complimentary in my hybrid van
I give my life to meditation
Then sleep with a whore at a Greyhound station
And after that, I have a full relapse
Then lose my hand in a game of craps
And after that, everyone calls me Claw
And after that, I work for Tim McGraw (Hey!)
And after that, I pass out in a sewer
Meet a giant fish, fuck his brains out
And after that I'm filled with shame
No one but myself to blame
Nothing in my heart but pain
And next week we're gonna do it again!
This nightlife carves hooks in me
I'm back to jerking off
I tried but could not break free
Stalling tears return to me
Started in the club
Then he moved to the Hills
Really freaked out and drank snake blood
Got himself clean
Now back in the club
And that's where I've been in this song
But it's stalling tears
This playboy life's too much for me
After the club is the after party
After the party is the hotel lobby
Stuck in a cycle I just can't win
And after that, it all happens again
18.No Homo
Hey man...＊
Hey,
Dood your looking pretty swoll have you been working out？
Uhh yeah! why you looking？
Ohh no not like that man I mean no homo... ohhh no homo
coooooooool
When you want to compliment a friend, nohomo
But you don't want that friendship to end, no homo
To tell a dood just how you feel nohomo
Just say nohomo so he knows the deal no homo
Yo man you got a fresh style.no homo
And you know you got the best smile nohomo
Your girlfriend is a lucky lady nohomo
With your looks you'd make a handsome baby nohomo
I like the way your soulders fill out that shirt nohomo
It's hard to pullit off but you make it work nohomo
Hey yo I kinda like your natural sent nohomo
Hey I kinda like the musical rent nohomo
Man I can't decide who wore it best nohomo-
I admitted I'm a fasionesta nohomo
And I know everyline of mr pizza nohomo
19.No Homo Outro
No, oh＊
No homo!
No, oh
No homo!
When you put your faith in one guy
Sometimes he'll make you happy
Sometimes he'll make you cry
No, oh
No homo (No homo, no homo)
No, oh
Definitely not me
No, no, no!
No homo, no
20.Reba (Two Worlds Collide)
Oh, it's been a long time coming＊
Two of the world's greatest
America's Sweetheart, Ms. Reba McEntire
(Yeah, yeah, how you doin', Andy？)
We 'bout to take it to the top
Hit 'em, Reba
Haters in my face try to keep me down
But you know we keep on shining (Here we go!)
Two crazy big stars from opposite worlds
'Bout to set this track on fire
(Yeah, she's the queen of country)
He's a comedy prince
Makin' something out of nothing
(We hooked up in the studio to make this song!)
But as usual we ended up fucking (No doubt!)
Flashback to when I first met Reba
Sitcom dressing room, puffing on cheeba
I said I was a fan, she said 'groovy'
Dropped her denim skirt and said, 'hop to it'
Made love all night (More like we fucked!)
Kids banging on the door, tryna interrupt
But them autographs can wait
Cause this is way too strong
I can't leave it alone
Because her pussy's the bomb
Well my pussy is the bomb and that's a fact
But these n-words keep on tripping (Okay!)
So I stay on my grind and drop these hits
Cause I can't go back to stripping (I'm Reba!)
(You're my undercover freak)
And you're my best friend, but our families don't approve
(That's right 'cause I'm a city boy)
And I'm a country girl
And I'll never leave your sweet balls blue
Ay, because a girl like Reba's got just what I need
With big, broad shoulders and a red ass weave (And a penis)
Hot damn, she fly
All she wanna do is fuck me
I'm a lucky guy (I'm a guy too)
My friends think I should dump her
They say she's a man who found a wig in a dumpster
(Your friends are smart)
Naw, Rebs, they're just jealous cause I'm dating a star
Instead of hanging with the fellas (Hanging like my nuts)
Word up, they're just liars
They can't believe that I could pull Reba McEntire
Since I came out my mama's butt
I knew I was destined for greatness
I looked in a dumpster and saw a wig
And thought, 'Hey brother, I'm gon' take this' (Tell 'em, Reba!)
So I put it right on and took a stroll
Right over to 30 Rock (SNL!)
I saw Andy Samberg and he thought I was Reba
And I made him suck my dirty cock
So there you have it
Two worlds collide
We the new Bonnie and Clyde (Reba!)
From haystacks to Maybachs, our love will survive
For Reba I ride, 'til the day that we die (I'm Reba!)
21.Great Day
Hey＊
Hey. What's wrong？
Come quick, some losers wanna fight us
Oh, not again. I'll go get my gun
OK
You must be loco to mess with us
Don't you know we're dangerous？
We'll kill you. We'll kill you
It's on now, the fight's beginning
One punch in and we're already winning
Guy Number One, the ape-shit killer
After you're dead I drink an ice cold Miller
Out on parole and I'm looking to score
I'm Guy Number Two, I'll take your whore
AK's, Uzis, nines and glocks
One pierced ear and ankle socks
If you see us on the street
You can bet we're high
We wear sunglasses
For bloodshot eyes
Each jerk we kill, our hearts grows colder
I could shoot all day, doesn't hurt my shoulder
I drive all the time, it's no big deal
Open the door, and get behind the wheel
I only hang with felons, killers and thugs
You're still a cunt Steve, go fuck your snake
You must be loco to mess with us
Don't you know we're dangerous？
We'll kill you. We'll kill you
Our thirst for blood is never enough
Is there a heaven for gangsters like us？
Hey Guy Number One？
Yeah, Guy Number Two？
I'm just doing me
I'm doing you too
I only date girls who have been around
I know what they like, I'll go down town
We play dominoes, but call them bones
And wear cool hats, like Al Capone
Who cares about the pigs, we can pay the bail
You're just a loser, you'd get raped in jail
We're just two guys
Who have a death wish
Screw trial by twelve, we'll be carried by six
Like
Bowm, bowm
Bowm, bowm, bowm, bowm, bowm
You must be loco to mess with us
Don't you know we're dangerous？
We'll kill you. We'll kill you
Ain't no such thing as half-way crooks
You're scared of death, you're scared to look, you're shook
22.We'll Kill U
I don't know why but today seems like it's gonna be a great
day!＊
There's something in the air that makes me feel like things are
gonna go my way
The birds are chirping tweedly-deet, the sun is shining bright!
know why!
Hey there mailman friend, any letters from my ex-wife or the
kids？
No
Fantastic news, HaHaHaHa!
Wonderful day makes me feel so happy that my face is numb!
My heart is racing along barapa pampam!
So many places and people to meet, now that I've lost my job!
They say 'Young man, the world's your oyster'
Hey! Hey get the fuck off me! No! Fuck no!
I don't know why but today seems like it's gonna be a great day!
Lalala blah blah blah blah I should spend more time with my
kids!
It's carpe diem, gotta seize the day, I'm gonna move to Spain
and run with the bulls
And my wife and boss and kids and parents will say 'We were
wrong about you Dennis'
Hey Dennis!
That's my name!
Are you really gonna run with the bulls？
Why would I do that？
Cause you said you were gonna!
Come on man, that was like three days ago - or was it？
Something today makes me feel fine and fancy-free
Much of the ocean is still unexplored, how did I get up in this
tree？
Now I'm over here, now I'm over there
Now I'm under this dude, now I'm back in the tree
Now I'm hanging out backstage with my very best friends： Alec
Baldwin and Tom Petty!
Get the fuck out of here!
What？
Now.
Tom!
Why would they diss me？
Any problem is solvable, we can feed the hungry and cure disease
But all of that would be a huge waste of time because we live in
the matrix.
What is wrong with him？
He's on drugs.
Oh.
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